Footballers say they’re “gutted”, or “as sick as a parrot” to express how they feel after a match they’ve just lost and you can tell by their body language they are down and feel low.
Yet when it comes down to the feelings of a manager it isn’t so easy to suss out what’s going on in their minds. They often come across as cool and in control and many do their job by the old code in football management of keeping things in the dressing room, so you often think everything is rosy in the garden and nothing to worry about.
But what about Sir Alex Ferguson? He never slagged a player off in front of the cameras but behind the scenes he was known as giving a player the “hairdryer treatment” and shouting at anyone who upset him. So I’ve put together a list of “manager speak”, as often what they say isn’t what they really mean.
“He’s got a good engine”: He runs around the pitch aimlessly.
“A midfield dynamo”: Energetic, but offers little else.
“Physical player”: Fouls the opposition a lot, dirty bastard.
“A squad player”: Not good enough for a first team place.
“A goal poacher”: A lazy goal-hanger.
“A veteran”: Knackered and past his sell by date.
“Loan spell will do him good”: Because he’s been absolute crap for us.
“He’s not for sale”: That player is for sale.
“He’s not going anywhere”: That depends how much you’re willing to pay.
“I’ll play him in the hole”: As I’ve played him all over the pitch and he’s been useless.
“I love being manager of this club”: But if I’m offered a better contract elsewhere I’m off.
“We’ll defend deep”: We’ll park the bus.
“The referee got one or two decisions wrong”: He’s a wanker and favoured the other team.
“We were unlucky”: A 7-0 loss didn’t reflect our performance.
“We”ll bounce back from this”: We fucking better or I’ll kick the shit out of them.
“We understand the fans anger”: I’m sorry I nutted that supporter.
“We need the fans support”: We need your money.
“The Chairman has faith in me”: The bastard has put me on gardening leave.
So the next time you see a manager talking on the telly or hear him on the radio you now know what he really means and so take it all with a pinch of salt as behind the smiles and carefree attitude he’s really seething and when the reporter has gone he’s steaming in the dressing room and grabbing his captain by the neck and giving him a boot in his knackers !